When God Searches Us
How God is lovingly familiar with our words and deeds
Today I was a bit blue. I am down to the wire on a few things and they seem to be getting the best of me.
I participated in my first Twitter pitch party (#DVpit) for the last two days, posting about three teasers for each of my manuscripts in hopes that editors or agents would be interested. I’ve never done this before, but I have observed several events taking place over time. I hadn’t known these pitch parties existed—what a novel idea. So I tried it, confident that this type of thing would be a perfect fit to my introversion—write a pitch in a limited amount of space without fumbling, and release it into the ether. That was all I needed to do, and wait.
It was fun—I discovered a few new writer and bookish types and learned a great deal more about the industry, how it evolved, how late I seem to be showing up for things such as this. How oppressive it could be.
And out of many, only two bore fruit over those two events.
All this in the middle of tending to my mother’s medical emergency.
All this in the middle of the week in which I need to prepare to give a study to my church’s ladies group and daughters.
All this in the middle of my overcommitting to projects, groups, activities that I thought I could juggle, that would reap great rewards, that I would be able to contribute to, but have failed.
All this while battling a head cold I’ve avoided to medicate.
O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. -Psalm 139:1-4
All this in the middle of preparing my teenage son for a few nights in the wilderness where he and some friends will learn to walk alone with God, with the barest of essentials, with degrees of separation from civilization, with a heart, a mind, and a soul ready and willing to try what it’s like to follow Him without parental supervision.
I never had these opportunities, and not many teen boys do presently, but we’re glad my son can trust God to sustain him. He’s trained and prepared for this survival weekend, and I trust God will search him, know him, and understand his thoughts. I trust, as the Psalm says, that God is acquainted with all his ways.
God even knows the words in our tongue, and despite the many voices that rise up daily, we can trust that the Lord hears our voice. He knows when and why not, He knows if at all any of our plans will succeed. He directs the path we are on and makes it possible to do anything at all. I trust in Him with my talents as he put me to steward over them. I trust that no matter the outcome with my manuscripts, I will keep searching for that nugget in the water, that sediment in the pan of gold that the Lord has put into place. And if I never find it, I’ll know that it was not mine to have.
What have you been searching for lately?